


Tim's Brilliant Idea (or," Shut Up and Dance!")

by michele659



Category: Oz (TV)
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, Male Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-18 12:31:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9385352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/michele659/pseuds/michele659
Summary: Tim has yet another brilliant idea which he's heard has "worked well in other prisons." As none of his other ideas that have worked in other prisons have worked out,Tim is met with resistance from the staff. The inmates are thrilled, and complications and hilarity (hopefully!) ensue!Keyword/Prompt Phrase: "Dancing classes, Tim? Have you finally lost your mind?”





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LunaDeSangre](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaDeSangre/gifts).



> Written for the Oz Gift of the Magi Challenge, 2016.

_“Dancing classes, Tim? Have you finally lost your mind?”_ Leo asked, and Tim noted his voice went up an octave after every word.  
Tim looked around and sure enough Leo was not the only person who seemed to think he was certifiable. Sean (the traitor) and even Suzanne (whom he thought would be on his side) looked at him as though he suddenly had sprouted ten heads.  
Tim sighed.  
“What’s wrong with that idea?” Tim demanded. “I’ll have you know this has been tried in many prisons and has been- “  
“Tim,” Sean said in which he thought was a reasonable tone,” DO NOT FINISH THAT SENTENCE!”  
Tim pouted. “What? What’s wrong with saying that this program has worked in other pri_”  
“It’s the kiss of death,” Sister Pete said as she made the sign of the cross.  
“It’s nonviolent, relaxing and a good way to relieve tension!” Tim shook his head. “Why do you people always have to be so negative?”  
“Oh, I don’t know, Tim. Maybe it’s because every one of these ridiculous plans has somehow ended up in either a riot or a murder?” This from Sean again (the traitor). Really, Tim thought, when did Sean become such a downer? “A few mishaps, Sean,” Tim waved his hands dismissively, just to illustrate how ridiculous it was to bring up those few minor faux pas.  
Sean’s face turned red. Tim thought he looked like one of those cartoon figures who turn red before steam comes out of their ears and their heads explode.  
“You- y-y-you, are – “ Sean couldn’t think of an appropriate adjective to explain what Tim was.  
“Insane!” Leo said again, and everyone nodded their heads like a bunch of bobble head dolls.  
“Okay-at least look at the video that shows how the program works. Then let’s take a poll of the guys in Oz and see if they would even want dance lessons. I bet they do!”  
“Oh, the guys,” Leo rolled his eyes, “because their judgment is so sound.”  
“Wait a minute,” Suzanne said. “It can’t hurt to look at the video and ask around to see if people were interested.”  
Leo sighed.  
He had a hard time saying no to Suzanne.  
“Okay, we’ll look at the goddamn video and take the goddamn poll!” Leo said.  
“Thanks Leo. You’ll see- it’ll be great- “Tim was stopped by a tug on his arm. Suzanne was shaking her head. “Give it a rest, Tim.”  
Tim reluctantly shut up.  
It was hard to be the only one with vision in this place.

****

McManus called for a meeting with the inmates the next morning.  
His announcement was met with absolute silence and Murphy breathed a sigh of relief because if the prisoners thought it was a bad idea even Tim would have to shelve it.  
Unfortunately, after the initial silence the prisoners erupted into applause and cheering. There were fist bumps and high fives and the bikers yelled out “Yay-dance lessons!”  
Clearly God hated Murphy.  
“When will the lessons start?,” Alvarez asked.  
“As soon as you decide what kind of lessons you want,” Tim said.  
“Well, why can’t have we have more than one choice? It’s doubtful we’d all want to learn the same kind of dances,” Beecher wondered.   
There was agreement among the prisoners, which in Murphy’s mind was a sure sign of the impending apocalypse.  
“Yes, I want to learn ballroom dancing,” one of the bikers said, “like the dance they did in Cinderella.”  
“Which version?” one of the Aryians asked. “The one with Stuart Damon and Leslie Ann Warren? That was the best. -" _Ten minutes ago, I met you, I looked up when you came through the door- My head started reeling, you gave me the feeling the room had no ceiling or floor!."  
“I have found her, she’s an angel, with the touch of the clouds in her eyes-" _ Robson chimed in.  
“We get it, Robson,” Murphy interrupted. “You don’t have to sing the whole thing.”  
“Aww, let them finish- “Keller said.  
“Shut up,” Murphy answered in a sing song voice.  
“Okay, don’t get nervous!” Keller pouted.  
“I think we should learn the tango, or salsa,” Miguel said and winked at Ryan when he looked visibly uncomfortable.  
“Well, I think we should learn ballet,” Chris chimed in.  
“Oh, you want to do ballet, sweetie?” Shillinger asked with a sneer.  
“Shut the fuck up, Shillinger. What do YOU want to learn?”  
Shillinger smiled. “I want to do the dance from ‘Dirty Dancing”-you know, the one where Baby jumps into Johnny’s arms-stop laughing, Keller!”  
“Oh, are you gonna be Baby? ‘Nobody puts Baby in a corner?’ Whose arms are you going to fly into?”  
“There’s a hole with your name on it, Keller,” Murphy warned while shooting daggers with his eyes at Tim.  
“I think we should do the dance from “West Side Story”-the one between the Jets and the Sharks”- Hoyt suggested.  
“NO,” Tim shouted in what Murphy decided was one of his rare moments of sanity. “We’re NOT doing any scene with gangs or fights or knives or-well, any of that stuff. What other suggestions do you have?”  
“I want to learn to tap dance,” Cyril said, shyly. “I’d like to do a dance like they did in “Singing in the Rain- “  
“Which dance? The one with Cyd Charise?” Keller asked.  
“No, the one where Gene Kelly dances to “Singing’ in the Rain”-the title of the movie?” Cyril replied, exasperated that Keller couldn’t understand something so basic.  
“Great, a group of movie experts. We should get you all on “Up Your Ante”, Murphy said. “I think it might be a good idea to stick to one type of dance, don’t you Tim?”  
Any sane person would’ve taken the hint and gone along with Murphy.  
However, Tim never was known for making sane and sound decisions so he said, “No, I think they should learn what they want to learn, except I think trying to learn the dance from “Dirty Dancing” might be a bit too much.”  
“THAT is discrimination, “ Schillinger said.  
“And then what are we going to do?” Beecher asked, pointedly ignoring Schillinger.  
“I- what do you mean? Then you’ll know the dance and can take another class.”  
“That’s bullshit,” Keller said. “We go to all that trouble to learn these dances and we can’t even show them off?”  
“What do you want to do, Keller? Have a dance pageant?” even as he heard himself say the words, Murphy silently cursed himself for being so stupid.  
“That’s a great idea!” McManus said, his voice vibrating with excitement.  
“Of course, it is,” Murphy sighed. “It figures this would be the one time you’d listen to me.”  
McManus ignored him and informed the group that signup sheets for the different lessons would be posted later in the day.  
Now the only thing he had to do was find people to teach the classes.  
It should be easy enough to get volunteers from the staff.  
****  
“No, Tim. There is no way I am teaching ballroom dancing to the inmates,” Murphy said. “Did you not hear the scene they would like to do for this pageant?” Murphy put as much venom as he could into the word pageant. “The ballroom scene from Cinderella! And not just any ballroom scene- a specific version that they all seemed eerily familiar with.”  
Tim laughed.  
“It’s not funny! You know this is certain to end in a disaster, don’t you? Can you just see Hoyt picking up one of the other bikers and trying to spin him? Does any of this sound sane to you?  
Tim didn’t answer because he was laughing too hard.  
“Yeah, laugh it up. Don’t expect me to do this alone. If I must teach ballroom dancing you’re going to be my partner. That’s my one condition. Well, that and I’m quitting if any of the bikers or the Aryians try to pick me up or spin me!”  
Sean was happy to note that Tim had stopped laughing.  
“I can’t do that- I have to coordinate the program.”  
“Sorry, that’s my condition. Take it or leave it, funny man.” Sean smirked and walked out. He knew that Tim would either come around or scrap the ballroom dance lessons.  
Somehow Sean knew Tim would come around.  
The man was nothing if not stubborn, and possibly clinically insane.  
Sean groaned at the thought of the evening ahead of him. He’d have to get the DVD of Cinderella and watch the ballroom dance number.  
Oz, the only prison where bikers and Aryians would know the score of musicals and debate which version was better than the other.  
At least they weren’t doing the dance from “West Side Story”.

******  
“I wanted to do the dance from “West Side Story”,” Ryan said as he flopped down on his cot.  
“Yeah, because’ that would have ended well,” Miguel laughed. “What do you got against the tango?”  
“Nothing- it just would be better if we did a more -manly dance. I mean, since we are all guys.”  
Miguel almost fell off his bunk from laughter.  
“What’s so funny?”  
“You-when you gonna give up on the “I ain’t no fag” line? No one believes you anymore, baby.”  
Ryan huffed and smacked Miguel on the leg. “Shut up.”  
“Oh, good comeback,” Miguel laughed and settled back down on his cot. He was silent for a moment and then said, “Hey, I know a tango we could do which would be funny and you wouldn’t have to worry about it being too sexy.”  
“Which one?” Ryan asked, suspiciously.  
“The tango scene in ‘Some Like It Hot.”  
“Where the guy and the guy dressed like a woman dance together? Are you out of your mind?”  
“Why not? It’s funny,” Miguel smiled as he pictured Ryan in the role of the cross dressing Daphne.  
“Do you _actually hate me, Miguel?_  
“Okay, look. If you really hate it, we can change the dance but I think you’re going to have fun.”  
Ryan doubted that but he sighed and nodded his head.  
He’d do anything for Miguel.  
Even though, as he told himself each time they finished having sex, he wasn’t “no fag.”  
****  
Meanwhile, in Beecher and Keller’s pod:  
“You really want to learn ballet?” Beecher asked.  
“Yes, I thought we could do “Slaughter on Tenth Avenue” together,” Chris said.  
“They won’t let us do a number called “Slaughter on Tenth Avenue,” Toby laughed. “You have to pick a different ballet if you insist on doing a ballet number.””  
“I guess you’re right," Chris sighed at the obvious bias this decision implied and was silent for a moment. He closed his eyes and then sat up in his bunk. We can do the “Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies!”  
“Yeah, I don’t think so,” Toby shook his head at the thought.  
“You got something against Nutcracker? ” Chris snarled at the thought. “Who _are_ you?”  
“Relax, Chris” Toby laughed. “I like Nutcracker. I just think you should pick a different dance.”  
“Well, which one? Chris thought for a moment and then snapped his fingers. “I got it! We can do “Waltz of the Flowers!”  
“I guess that’s a little better than the fairy one,” Toby agreed.  
“Good, so it’s settled then?”  
“Yeah sure, why not? It’ll be fun as long as we do it together,”  
“You say the sweetest things,” Chris said as he stood up to give Toby a kiss.  
****  
The next day the staff met to discuss who was going to teach the inmates how to dance.  
Leo was furious that Tim had given them choices and didn’t calm down until Suzanne suggested they could teach the tango together. “You look like you’d be smooth on the dance floor,” she said with a wink.  
Tim coughed but Leo was oblivious, staring at Suzanne with a goofy grin on his face.  
“You know, I do have some experience with tango. I have a background in dance and won some trophies. In fact, in one contest we were up against- “  
“That’s fascinating, Leo,” Sister Pete said as she cut him off. “Now let’s move on, please.”  
Leo pouted but said nothing.  
Truth be told he was a little afraid of Sister Peter Marie.  
“Well, who wants to teach ballet?” McManus asked.  
“I’ll do it, “Claire volunteered.  
There was a pause in which everyone tried and failed to picture Claire as a ballerina.  
Luckily, Claire was lost in thought and didn’t notice.  
Claire was another staff member that made everyone (except for Sister Pete) nervous.  
“Claire it is,” Tim said while trying not to laugh. “Now, who is going to teach tap?”  
“I’ll do it,” Sister Pete said. “since no one else wants to.”  
“It’s not that,” Suzanne said earnestly. “It’s just we know how much you enjoy tap dancing, and you’re so good at it!”  
“Yeah, yeah. I said I’d do it, so let’s lower the enthusiasm a bit, okay?”  
“You’re grumpy in the morning,” Suzanne mumbled.  
“Yes, I need coffee so I don’t end up in prison instead of just working in one,” Sister Pete agreed, and smiled as Father Ray brought in coffee for the staff.  
“I feel a little left out,” Ray said. “I wanted to teach a class.”  
“You want to help me teach tap dancing?” Sister Pete knew she sounded too hopeful but she couldn’t help it.  
Misery loves company, after all.  
“Sure, I love tap dancing! This is so good- you know, they’ve tried this program in other prisons and it’s worked very- “  
“Ray, I love you but if you finish that sentence I will kill you!” Sister Pete said.  
“Wow-you’re grumpy in the morning!” he observed.  
“So I’ve been told,” Sister Pete grumbled as she took another sip of her coffee.

********  
“You know, Tim, I knew you didn’t know how to waltz but I never realized you were such a klutz!” Murphy said as they practiced the waltz from “Cinderella”.  
“I am not- “  
“Ouch, for Christ’s sake Tim, pay attention!”  
“I’m sorry Sean. It’s just that it’s hard to watch the DVD and pay attention to my feet,” Tim said.  
“Okay, that makes no sense. Let’s try this-you let me lead and we can get the basic steps before looking at the ballroom dance. I can’t believe my life!” Sean sighed.  
“Stop being so dramatic!” Tim said and started to laugh.  
“Oh, this is funny to you? Just wait until you have to pick me up.”  
“I am NOT picking you up!”-  
“You have to. It’s in the scene. It’s the part where the Prince sings “I have found her, she’s an angel,” Sean said as though that settled it.  
“For someone who hates this you seem to know a lot about it!” Tim said, laughing. “So, you’re Cinderella and I’m the Prince in this scenario? Tell me, Sean,” Tim joked. “Is that how you see me?”  
“Don’t even get me started or I swear I’ll deck you right here,” Sean warned.  
“Okay, gee, talk about being touchy.” Tim muttered.’  
“Shut up and dance,” Murphy said and then repeated, “klutz. -ow!”  
“Sorry, I guess I am just a klutz,” Tim said, unapologetically as Sean rubbed his foot. “I don’t know why you’re picking on me, anyway. I’m sure everyone is having problems.”

******  
“You are an incredible tap dancer, Father!” Sister Pete said. “I didn’t expect that. You never mentioned tap dancing before this!”  
“Thank you, Pete. It’s not the sort of thing that comes up in general conversation.”  
“True,” Sister Pete nodded.” Can you imagine teaching tap lessons to the bikers and the Aryians?”  
“We’ve seen stranger things here,” Ray said.  
“Yes, yes, we have,” Pete said.  
“I really do have a good feeling about this, though, Pete, -  
“Father? I’m in a good mood now. Please don’t change it!”  
“Sorry, Sister Pete!” Ray said.  
He really didn’t want Sister Pete to be in a bad mood.  
*****  
“I don’t like the way Leo is with Mom,” Ryan said as he watched Leo and Suzanne warm up for their dance.  
“They’re just dancing. Calm down. We’re going to be right here anyway. Remember?”  
“Yeah. I still don’t like it.”  
“Just worry about learning the dance. You’re not doing that well,” Miguel said.  
“What do you mean? You know I’m Lord of the- “  
“Don’t. Don’t ever say that phrase again in my presence! You are NOT Lord of the dance and your moves are lousy.”  
“Lousy! Really!” Ryan huffed then said “You weren’t saying that last night.”  
“Yeah that’s a good comeback. You're lucky you fuck better than you dance or this arrangement would be over,” Miguel countered.  
“Oh, leave me alone,” Ryan said as he went closer to where Leo and Suzanne were dancing. “You! Keep your hands to yourself,” Ryan said to Leo.  
Suzanne laughed. “You can’t do the tango without touching,” she said. “Now come on, the class is going to start.”  
“Yay,” said Miguel.

***  
“Yay” Toby said, sarcastically as he saw Claire enter the room. “Officer Howell is teaching the ballet class.”  
“Oh fuck, no. How could she possibly know ballet?” Chris asked. “She is so uncouth.”  
“Really, Chris? Uncouth?””  
“What? You think I don’t know what it means?”  
“Of course I think you know what it means. It’s just an interesting observation, that’s all.”  
“So, you’re saying I’m uncouth?”  
Toby’s reaction was to laugh uncontrollably.  
“Well, at least I’m not crazy.”  
“Oh, that’s so three years ago, Keller. Give it a rest.”  
“Then don’t call me uncouth! I’m couth! I have plenty of couth!”  
“I think uncouth is sexy,” Toby said.  
“Well, um, you know I think I am kind of uncouth at that,” Chris said and nodded.  
Toby laughed.  
“Alright, losers. Let’s go. I understand you want to learn ballet. I want your eyes on me and nowhere else. I am going to whip your sorry asses into shape. No one will be able to say that the “Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies” wasn’t good. “  
“No, no fairies-we want to do the” Waltz of the Flowers”,” Chris said.  
“Ha, perfect for you guys,” Claire said.  
“Oh, this is going well” Toby said.  
“Shut up and dance!” Claire said and put on the Waltz of the Flowers. “I wanted to do “Slaughter on Tenth Avenue.”  
“Maybe she’s not so bad at that,” Chris muttered.  
Toby sighed.  
***  
The first waltz lesson went as disastrously as Sean had feared.  
Tim still couldn’t lead so Sean was forced to continue doing it until Tim could catch on (even though Tim was taller and it was going to be harder to pick him up).  
“I can’t believe I’m saying that,” Sean said to himself.  
Tim, of course, was unfailingly cheerful as he stepped all over Sean’s feet and elbowed him in the ribs.  
The worst was when Tim hit Sean in the eye while spinning around.  
Tim found it amusing until Sean retaliated with a punch in the stomach.  
“Ow, you hurt me!” Tim said, indignantly.  
“Really? You don’t think that’s funny?”  
“Okay-I’m sorry. But we have to laugh at ourselves, don’t we?  
“I don’t have to,” Sean said. “I know how to do this dance.”  
“Showoff,” Tim said under his breath.  
He was comforted by the thought that the other groups must be experiencing the same issues.  
*******  
“Cyril- you are doing a terrific job!” Sister Pete exclaimed. “You picked up the steps so easily!”  
Cyril smiled shyly. “Thank you, Sister. I love this movie.”  
The other inmates who were taking tap lessons had to stop as Cyril performed the dance, enthusiastically hoisting himself on a pole and swinging in imitation of Gene Kelly.  
Sister Pete thought he looked adorable with his hair flying in all directions as he spun around.  
Of course, he might have a little too much hair.  
It wouldn’t be good if his hair wrapped around his face as he swung around on the pole.  
“Sister Pete-look at him! He has an almost beatific look on his face!” Ray said in awe.  
“I see-calm down, Ray!” Sister Pete said, looking amused.  
“Cyril-demonstrate the time step for the class,” Sister Pete said.  
“I couldn’t-oh, okay!” Cyril said as he happily counted “5,6,7,8!’ And “STOMP, HOP, FLAP, BALL CHANGE- “  
“Ball change?” Bob asked.  
“Just go along,” Busmalis said.  
“Oh, I will. I’m just happy I’m not working on ladies’ dresses!”  
***  
“Okay, listen up you ignorant fucks-I’m going to teach you how to a pirouette. Now you must start in a plie` then revele` and then we’re going to do a half turn then a full turn and then two and three, four, five- “  
“Whoa, how many turns are we doing?” Toby asked.  
“Men can do up to ten in a row-oh, that’s right. I forgot who I was teaching. We’ll stick to one or two for you guys.” Claire said in a disgusted tone. ” Now get into fourth position and-let’s plie` then go into revele! Come ON you guys!”  
“You’re forgetting we’re the ignorant fucks,” Chris said.  
“Wow- I knew you were ignorant but I didn’t know you had no concept of basic ballet terms!”  
“Surprise!” Schillinger said.  
Claire scowled. “Why are you even here? Didn’t you want to do that dance from Dirty Dancing?”  
“Please,” Tony begged. “Don’t get him started.”  
“Alright-it looks like we really do need to start at the beginning. First position, assholes!”  
“Oh, that’s nice,” Toby said; “You should consider a career in motivational speaking.”  
“Shut up and dance!” Claire said.  
****  
“I give up! You are impossible to teach!” Murphy sighed.  
“Come on, I’m getting better. I haven’t stepped on your toes as much as I did last time!”  
“Wonderful. Now I only have three more bruises.”  
“Stop exaggerating, Sean!” Tim said.  
“Now, for the last time- forward, one, two, side three, one, two, three, -”  
“See? I’m getting it.”  
“Congratulations. It only took you about twenty tries. Let’s see how you do the basic men’s step. Forward, side, close- “  
“I’m getting it, Sean!”  
“Yeah, calm down. Let’s see how you lead me into the step.”  
Tim laughed.  
“Stop it, Chuckles or I swear you’re on your own! Lower through the knees, and lead, - lower and lead- “  
“Oh, do you want me on my knees, Sean?” Tim asked. “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.”  
“I’m ignoring you.”  
“My feelings are hurt.”  
“Tim- if you don’t spin me around right now I am going to punch you!”  
“I like when you get demanding, Sean,” Tim said as he winked at Sean and then spun him around.  
And promptly tripped over his feet and sent Sean sprawling into a nearby chair.  
“I swear- Hoyt is more graceful than you are!”  
“That hurts, Sean.”  
“Yeah-how come you’re hurt and I’m the only one with bruises? Now, let me show you how it’s done.” Sean got up and grabbed Tim “Like this!” he said as he expertly spun Tim around.  
“Stop showing off,” Tim muttered.  
****  
“Stop showing off!” Ryan muttered as Miguel expertly twirled and then dipped him.  
“I’m not showing off-I’m doing the damn dance! YOU haven’t been practicing! “  
“I have too been practicing!” Ryan said.  
“Now, dear-don’t lie,” Suzanne shook her head. “You know you haven’t been practicing.”  
“Ma- how would you know?”  
“Because you’re my son. And my son could never be such a bad dancer!”  
Miguel laughed. “See-what did I tell you? You’re a bad dancer-he really IS that bad. That’s why he needs to practice!”  
“Well, it would help if we could practice with the music when the class is over. Can we have the music and practice here after class?”  
“What a good idea! Don’t you think so, Leo?” Suzanne asked.  
Leo did not, as a matter of fact.  
Of course, he didn’t say that aloud.  
Aloud he said, “Of course, Suzanne. Whatever you say.”  
Ryan grinned and Miguel whispered, “I can see where you get your non dance moves from.  
Ryan said, “Shut up and dance.”  
“Love to.” Miguel smiled and pulled Ryan close to him.

****  
“Oh, my God, Cyril! Would you stop tapping? We’re trying to watch “Miss Sally” here,”  
Keller said.  
“I have to practice!” Cyril protested.  
“Yeah, but all the fuckin” time? I’m starting to hear those tapping feet in my sleep!”  
“Leave him alone, Keller,” Ryan said, although he also wished that Cyril would stop dancing.  
“That’s right. How much concentration does it take to stare at Miss Sally’s tits, anyway?” Miguel added.  
“Oh, the boyfriend speaks!” Keller said.  
“Chris- shut the fuck up . We all should be practicing. One half of almost all the dancers can’t do the basic steps of the dances,” Toby said and glared at Chris. “We should do that-let’s all practice now!” Toby practically started jumping up and down with enthusiasm.  
“Easy there,” Chris said. “Let’s not get carried away. And what do you mean, I can’t do the dance? I’m doing pretty good!”  
“Ha- Schillinger said. “You practically trampled lover boy during class today.”  
Toby ignored the comments and started moving chairs around so they could practice without banging into each other.  
“This is never going to work,” Hoyt said. “We don’t have our music!”  
“Well, improvise. You need to remember the steps.” Toby said.  
“I know the steps,” Hoyt pointed out.  
“Yeah, he’s known that dance since he was five,” Robson said with a laugh.  
“Well then you can show the others in your class how to do it, right?”  
“Yeah, I should start with the teacher. Tim is terrible at this dance!”  
“Tim,” Chris laughed. “That must be a fun class.”  
“Like Claire’s is any better?” Toby asked.  
“You know, you’re right. Let’s practice. I’ll do anything not to hear that woman’s screeching  
voice calling me an “ignorant fuck” again.”  
*****  
“Now, this is what I call rehearsing,” Ryan grinned at Miguel as they practiced in one of the exam rooms in the hospital.  
“Yeah, baby. Don’t get any ideas. This is business.”  
“I didn’t say it wasn’t, did I? I just thought we could mix the two-business and pleasure.” Ryan  
said with a smirk.  
“Let’s see how well you’ve been practicing before I say we can ‘mix business with  
pleasure.’ I don’t want our class to be the only one that sucks.”  
“Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to be a problem. Did you see those guys rehearsing? I never  
saw so many bad dancers. They were tripping over themselves- What? Oh, shut up. I’m not that  
“Too bad there are no mirrors in this room,” Miguel said.  
“Ooh, kinky. I like the way you think,” Ryan said as he wrapped his arms around Miguel’s  
waist.  
“Alright. Save the passion for the dance,” Miguel said, trying but failing to keep a smile off his  
face.  
“Come on, Miguel. I know I’ll have more passion for the dance if we get a little passionate now.”  
“Oh, that is so cheesy, O’Reily,” Miguel laughed.  
“How is this?” Ryan asked as he nibbled at Miguel’s earlobe and laid kisses down the side of  
his neck. “We can dance this way.”  
“With you pressed up against my ass like that? I don’t think your mother would like that!”  
“Oh, she won’t notice. She’ll be too busy dancing herself,” Ryan said as he pulled Miguel to him.  
Miguel sighed. “Okay, we can take a little break,”  
There was just so much teasing he could stand.

*******  
“Beautiful, Cyril-just beautiful!” exclaimed Father Ray as he and Sister Pete watched Cyril do his solo  
“Thanks, Father,” Cyril said.  
“What’s wrong, Cyril? You don’t look happy!” Sister Pete asked.  
“It’s just-well, it’s hard to get into the spirit of the dance without an umbrella. It’s kind of the main prop.”  
“Cyril, you know we can’t give the guys umbrellas,” Sister Pete reminded him.  
“I want an umbrella!” Cyril said and stomped his feet.  
“Okay-we’ll find something -but only for you. And only because you have a solo.”  
“Oh, thank you, Sister Pete!” Cyril said as his eyes filled with grateful tears.  
“Take it easy, Cyril. We don’t know for sure we’ll be able to get something suitable.”  
“I have faith in you and Father Ray,” Cyril said with a smile. “You’ll think of something.”

*****  
“I found the perfect umbrella, Sister Pete!” Father Ray said.  
“A paper umbrella so small it wouldn’t cover a doll? That’s your idea?” Sister Pete asked.  
“Well, it’s the only one I could find with no parts that could be used as weapons.” Father Ray said. Father Ray stuck out his bottom lip. “It’s not like anyone else found anything suitable.”  
Sister Pete shook her head. “You know what? You’re right. Let Cyril use the paper umbrella fit for a doll. Better safe than sorry.”  
Ray smiled. “That’s true, Sister.  
Father Ray couldn’t wait to see what Cyril thought of the umbrella.  
****  
“That’s not an umbrella!” Ryan scoffed. “It looks like it belongs in a drink!”  
Miguel agreed and bit his lip to keep from laughing.  
“I know!” Cyril said. “But this is the best they could do.”  
“I can’t wait to see what they’ve come up with for our costumes,” Ryan said.  
“If this is any indication I’d say we were in for a nasty surprise,” Miguel said.

*****  
“OH Hell, No!” Chris said. I am NOT wearing that costume!”  
“Oh, tell me, fuck face,” Claire said,”What kind of costume did you think you were going to wear?”  
“I- I thought it would be- tights! I didn’t know we’d have to wear tutus!”  
“Yeah well, surprise. The “Waltz of the Flowers” kind of centers around the costume, so you have to wear it!”  
“I can’t do it!” Keller said “Beecher, tell me you agree with me!”  
“I don’t understand how you didn’t know we’d be wearing tutus! This dance was your idea!”  
“I guess I didn’t think it all the way through.” Chris said.  
“Relax, Chris. I doubt anyone else will have costumes they like. This is Oz, after all.”  
***  
“Miguel-look at our costumes! Aren’t they beautiful?” Ryan asked as he shoved the costumes in Miguel’s face. “Look at how sparkly my blouse is!”  
“Can you get that out of my face, please?” Miguel asked as he shoved the blouse away from him.  
“Oh, you’re no fun!” Ryan said.  
“I am too,” Miguel said, “I just don’t see why you’re getting so excited over a blouse-oh damn, is that my costume? Look at it-it’s really sexy, isn’t it?”  
“Don’t get so excited, Miguel,” Ryan said with a laugh.  
Miguel wasn’t paying attention.  
He was too busy admiring his costume.

***  
The dress rehearsal was a disaster.  
Chris continued to complain about his tutu.  
Schillinger complained about how unfair it was that he couldn’t do “Dirty Dancing”.  
Miguel complained about Ryan’s dancing.  
Tim sent Sean flying into the door while trying to spin him.  
Hoyt complained that a part of the ballroom dance wasn’t being done exactly as it was in the movie and was therefore making the “aesthetics of the piece” not as powerful as they were in the ballroom scene.  
And the umbrella kept self destructing.  
Luckily Father Ray had gone back to the store and purchased five dozen.  
“You have to be a little _gentler_ with the umbrella, Cyril!” Father pleaded.  
“I’ll try Father,” Cyril promised each time.  
Father said a prayer that Pete could show Cyril how to use the umbrella without destroying it.  
“Well, you know what they say,” Tim said with a forced, strangled chuckle. “A bad dress rehearsal means a great performance.”  
The inmates and the staff groaned in unison.  
“Then we should perform “great” enough to be on TV,” Miguel said.  
“Just shut up and dance,” Claire said.

****  
For once Tim was right.  
They did have a great performance!  
Tim managed not to trip, elbow or otherwise injure Sean. And he did a good job of lifting and spinning him (if Tim did say so himself).  
Chris stopped complaining about his tutu when Toby told him how sexy he looked in it.  
Schillinger stopped pouting about not being able to do “Dirty Dancing” and showed a flair for interpretive dance.  
Hoyt was satisfied that the “integrity of the ballroom dance” was upheld with their performance.  
Everyone congratulated Ryan on his realistic performance of Daphne in “Some Like It Hot.”  
Ryan was so happy he was successfully able to transfer the rose from his lips to Miguel’s.  
Miguel was happy Ryan finally did that without biting him.  
Best of all, Cyril did the solo without destroying the umbrella, or as he put it, “the umbrella finally knew who the boss was.”  
It was a great success.

***  
“Well, what did I tell you? “Tim gloated the next morning. “It was a great idea, wasn’t it? Right, Sean? “  
“It wasn’t a disaster,” Sean allowed.  
“No one killed anyone during the performance,” Sister Pete added.  
“It was nice dancing with you, Suzanne,” Leo said and smiled at Suzanne.  
“Thank you, same here,” Suzanne smiled back at him.  
“So, I think we can safely say we can do this again. The inmates want it and it has boosted morale,” Tim said.  
“You’re like a dog with a damn bone, Tim, “Sean said.  
“Oh, come on. You all liked it! There’s so many other dances they want to learn!”  
The staff looked unconvinced so Tim said, “We could always teach them opera.”  
Everyone groaned.  
“What? It’s worked well in other- “  
“Tim? I’m warning you- “Sister Pete said.  
“Well, what’s wrong with opera? They’re plenty to choose from.”  
“And almost all of them contain at least one murder,” Sean said.  
“So, what would you suggest?” Tim asked with a pout.  
“Oh, stop that. No one thinks you’re cute when you pout,’ Sean said.  
Tim grinned. “You do, don’t you?”  
“Okay, children. Enough. Now we have to make a decision here!” Sister Pete said  
The whole table started talking at once, debating the pros and cons of continuing the dance program or starting the opera one.  
“Alright!” Claire bellowed. “Everybody- Tim, you especially. I know what we should do.”  
“Well?” Tim asked.  
“Shut up and dance!”  
And so, they did.


End file.
